Hi friend.
Firstly, I'm proud of you for clicking this. It takes a lot to admit that you're feeling depressed.
I have been where you are, or my own version of it. Depression is different for each of us, and there are different sorts. But that really doesn’t matter. What makes you and me similar is the awfulness of our experience. The weariness and exhaustion. How pointless everything seems. How things you used to look forward to feel trivial and too much effort. And how undeserving you feel.
I know you are feeling like the world is all on your shoulders. And that world feels like a million pounds. You don't know if you can hold it all.
I know you feel like you can't do anything right, that no matter what, you are going to lose. And at this point, you don't see how it will get better. You don't know how you can make it through another day like this.
And I know that no one really knows how you are feeling. There are no words that can describe what is going through you mind or that aching feeling in your heart. Other people can't know because, most of the time, you don't even know yourself. You don't understand how or why you feel the way you do. But you also don't know how to feel anything else.
I’m sorry I can’t be there with you. I’m sorry I can’t drive to pick you up and get a coffee. I’m sorry I can’t sit on the couch with you and watch mindless shows together and drown out the voice in your head.
I want to present you with a PowerPoint with all the reasons why your life matters. I know you know the truth deep down inside, but all the pain has clouded those reasons. I know the pain is so heavy on your heart.
I'm not going to tell you what will make it better, or to just keep your head up because none of that really means anything. But I am going to tell you how I feel.
I feel like you are a bright light. Even though right now you may be in the darkest place that you could ever imagine, you are a light in this world.
I feel like you are a strong person. The fact that you are feeling all of these things that you cannot define is terrifying, and yet you still manage to face the world. Even if life only means going through the motions.
Never think that you are replaceable. You aren't. You are totally, 100% completely irreplaceable.
And I know it's hard to know where to start when it comes to mental health. Everyone tells you to "speak up," but they rarely understand how difficult that can be. Without meaning to, people can easily belittle your thoughts and emotions.
You don't don't need medical papers to validate how you're feeling. You are valid.
It may take weeks, months, or even years, but eventually you'll feel okay again. I can't tell you what will be the saving grace for you, but believe me when I say that it will come. You'll step out of the darkness and start loving things that you used to enjoy before you became depressed. You'll start seeing all the possibilities that life has to offer you.
Most importantly, you'll start to feel like you again. You'll remember what it's like to be genuinely happy. You'll appreciate the small things that make you happy and you'll never take that happiness for granted, because you know too well what it's like to be unhappy.
Your life has meaning and you will find it. Your life may not be what you expected, but does not make you a waste or a failure.
You inspire everyone you meet and your fight will have people holding on in theirs. I believe in my soul we can be a beacon of hope for others. I believe you were meant to be a light this world needs.
You are a wonderful person, with many fabulous and interesting things that make you who you are. It is just that you have lost sight of these for a little while. It's just that the strength, patience and hope you need to wait for them to return is exactly what depression takes away. So right now, everything feels impossible. I truly know that feeling.
I promise you, it's not permanent. The sun rises every day to create something new, something wonderful, and you, my friend are a part of that. There is a reason that you are here and there's a plan for you. A plan that you don't know about.
This is a big, big world with so much to see and so many places to fall in love with, and you have to see it.
I just want to end with this. You will have good days and bad days. In time, you will gradually notice that there are more good ones than bad ones. You will rejoice again in small things, like a walk in the rain, or the smile of a stranger. You will find things to do that give you a sense of achievement. You'll do jigsaw puzzles and very bad knitting. You can choose your own. Just make the tasks small and achievable. And celebrate what you have done. Because you are amazing to have found the strength to do them.
Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can.
I hope we reach the day when you look into the mirror and see yourself as the warrior you are.
Sending warmth,
Your friend
Some parts from letters by
Summer at Pucker Mob
Olivia at College Times
Lisa at Recovery Letters
Marie at The Mighty
Alexandra at The Oddessy